The Roommate & Her Besties

WELL. This weather has reaaaaaaallly been cramping my style. The hurricane made me crazy, miss work & lose power, THEN a Nor' Easter hit last night-ish. I was of course, at work when Jackshit Frost decided to get his peen nommed on and BLIZZARD (exaggeration)all over the place like a 13-year-old boy and shut down the LIRR leaving me trapped in the city. It was late so I stayed with one of my co-workers...no big, but EXCITEMENT! I got to stay at a NYU college dorm room! I felt like I was on Felicity and it made me really miss going to the dining hall with Rachy B and Juicy J ($$). Side note: I also find it really hard to do anything but watch YouTube videos and Snap Chat once it gets dark out...it's only 5 PM :( make me be an adult! WHERE IS MY NANNY!? 

I came home this AM and the Roommate was bearable. She made coffee ... always a way to my heart. But would not shut. the. front. door. FOR ONE SECOND. (ya dig what I'm saying, because the actual front door locks me out circa 42 times a day...) A lot of the rampant rambling consisted of discussing the play-by-play of some sort of explosion that I missed? 

ANYWAY. Some info about the roomz---she cannot hear. And when I say cannot hear, I mean I have to YELLspeak about 8 inches away from her face to the point where it actually pains my throat (voicebox? noisemaker? vocal chords? LOCATION?! TIFFANY TELL ME). I don't really mind because I can blast MC Chris (who 'sings' about doing inappropriate things to his Japanese maids or being a hipster hunter or how that damn nrrrdgrl just DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM) with no issue or complaint. 

But this is how most of our conversations occur. She never seems to complain about the YELLspeak (heheh, she actually sometimes gets really upset that she can't hear me and does this awkward cry-ish thing and tries to pat my arm, don't touch me PLOX), until I catch her on the phone which is one of my absolute favorite activities, ever. This happened today after she denied the delicious dinner I cooked ( if I do say so myself).

I escape the lair for a few to capture the kittens and get 73.5 more sodas (I don't hoard them, I just drink them all at once...that counts as hydration, right?) 

and there she is in all of her nightgowned glory also screaming, because she thinks because she can't hear ...no one else can. 

I shortly after realize she is "speaking" to one of the neighbors.

The neighbors and her are BESTIE$$$$$ 4EVZ. 

Just kidding. They just answer her constant phone calls and are equally as overbearing back. They tend to let themselves into my house, which FREAKS ME THE F OUT because I may be the most paranoid person ever. Let me get home from work for 3 seconds before I find you in MY kitchen, taking out my garbage? REMINDER: it is also 5 pm, what time do I stay up to? OH YEAH, usually until after the garbage comes. 

Another thing about me you know, I DON'T LIKE HELP. Well, help sure, but please stop strolling into my house? 

I then say to MAHHHHHHGE, "Uh, can you stop? I'm going to get all of my housework done, stop acting like I don't."

Of course, I have to YELLspeak this, obvs. When she thinks I have walked out of the room, I hear the always lovely:

"Oh there she goes SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF AT ME AGAIN. That girl is terrible."

AW. SUCH SWEET SENTIMENTS. ALLITERATION.

Anywho, I actually do appreciate some of the stuff they do when I'm not around...doctor's visits, beauty parlor...especially because old people & doctors & hospitals & medicine & old people's hair scare me, but let me take care of my house? Maybe? I mean unless you want to clean, then I'll go right ahead and SHUT MY FACE HOLE.

>>>*<<<

Shout out to my new pal---TONI! She actually thinks I'm funny and I thoroughly enjoy the fact she has a party for every occasion and we just love her. She also thinks it's acceptable to hang out until normal human hours (9pm?) even when one has work "early" in the morning...unlike some OLD skeezers who won't accompany me in any sort of mischief...when it's 5pm. Nerd alert! Just wanted to get some noms...but SLUTEVER, RIGHT? Go hang out alone, weirdo. Or does the internet keep you company as it does me? Because then maybe my whole opinion has changed, wanna look at cat videos for hours *swoonface* ?

XXXo- hoodie ninja

PS. This is my next purchase. 

Because Daily Grace makes me smile everywhere. 

This is also when it stops being all types of sold out and shit. 

PPS. Doing laundry is hard. By hard, I mean ...it's dark out.

PRPS. I may have accidentally gauged ONE ear due to poor (no)  planning and much too heavy, unnecessary accessories. 

Slowtown

So! Here I am. Back on the interwebs after a week of no power. Sitting in the dark gets really old after awhile when you don't have access to any good music, kinda makes you lose your mind, see: Car Radio . 

My days were spent drinking a ton of beer, reading a ton of books (by candlelight...so romantic ...) and playing Sushi Cat... until my phone died ... and my computer died ...and I assumed my life was going to end at the "you are now using reserve battery power" pop-up. 

Myself and the cats took a whole lot of naps.  

My town looks semi-post apocalyptic. Homes burnt down, streets were filled with 6 feet of water, Army tanks were driving through the streets...it was a really sad site to see. There are other towns that faced much more devastation but they are thankfully being aided by the National Guard and the like, so hopefully everyone is okay! 

Peter Nicompoop was was especially concerned about the weather all the way from Ohio.

And then ... a week later, I GOT POWER and me and my messy hair were SO EXCITED.

NOW I'M BACK AND READY TO ANNOY THE POOP OUT OF YOU!

XX0

I THOUGHT HURRICANE SEASON WAS OVER!

SO, this whole Hurricane Sandy thing was ignored by me, until I realized that it might be a bit of an issue. Work is closed, the LIRR is shut down, people are stabbing each other for bottles of SmartWater (THERE ARE NONE BECAUSE I HAVE THEM ALL!!), blah blah...I don't know how to prepare for these things/ think it may be a whole big crock of shit. But anyway, I am planning on securing the kitties in my bed with me for the next 72 hours as I intend to use these days off to aid my permanent state of exhaustion, I am stocking up on my fave beer & P-funks (holllllla pretentious drinks!)& gummy worms and I will set the roommate up with some sherry and shitty teen novels (her favorite!!). 

However, le roomie is already being a brat. Here's to hoping her 46 liters of sherry last her through the week (ish) of no power so I can hide from her in the lair. 

 Oh yeah. Forgot to mention my town might get eaten by the ocean/bay/whatever.

The calm before the storm.

If the world decides it wants to end, my pal and I decided our way out is driving a 1969 Dodge Dart straight into the Jones Beach pencil. 

Serious brother tells you to be safe. He knows what to do. 
He's a doctor. 

BYE.