Never trust a man with a ponytail....

SO I OFFICIALLY DECIDED I HATE NO SHAVE NOVEMBER, THE EAST VILLAGE IS DUMB AND TEQUILA HURTS. 

It all didn't have to be so terrible. My day was fine, a few minor mishaps along the way due to excessive lines at Chipotle and demanding customers.

My favorite customer EVER, Cheryl, came to visit and is bringing me a bottle of wine next week, I bought 2189732937902 pairs of new, neon underwear, it was PAY DAY. All good things...until little HOAGIE blew me off (just kidding, she has real life things to do, but all my sticky situations do usually involve her abandoning me ... </3) 

My work friend kidnapped me and we gallivanted around and OOPS, I got two tattoos. 

I have been wanting to get a tattoo representing my late mother and these little guys have a whole lot of meaning behind them but one of them is hurting a whollllle lot as I type this, meh. The Roommate had no idea what MFS stood for (mother's initials)...WUT. My tattoo artist also looked like Edward Cullen, it was awkward. 

We then chaunced around some more and met her friends at Stand 4. By friends I mean, her bougie diva boyfriend and his beautiful giant professional swimmer friend with a French accent and awesome sneakers ... *swoon.

Only issue: everyone LOVES TEQUILA. On to the next bar and more tequila. I decided I am too trusting and should not have allowed the boy in the ugly sweater to share my phone charger with me because although I THOUGHT him and his friend with a Michael Cera mustache and long hair were cute and nice, one of them magically made off with my cell phone and posted some delightful messages on my Facebook, COOL. All I wanted to do was shave his hair....so badly. SO SO badly. 

I'm done complaining but just thought you all should know. 

Today is much better primarily because little hoagie redeemed herself and rescued me with falafel and is currently snugging over! YAY FRIENDS. 

xxxo

The Roommate & Her Besties

WELL. This weather has reaaaaaaallly been cramping my style. The hurricane made me crazy, miss work & lose power, THEN a Nor' Easter hit last night-ish. I was of course, at work when Jackshit Frost decided to get his peen nommed on and BLIZZARD (exaggeration)all over the place like a 13-year-old boy and shut down the LIRR leaving me trapped in the city. It was late so I stayed with one of my co-workers...no big, but EXCITEMENT! I got to stay at a NYU college dorm room! I felt like I was on Felicity and it made me really miss going to the dining hall with Rachy B and Juicy J ($$). Side note: I also find it really hard to do anything but watch YouTube videos and Snap Chat once it gets dark out...it's only 5 PM :( make me be an adult! WHERE IS MY NANNY!? 

I came home this AM and the Roommate was bearable. She made coffee ... always a way to my heart. But would not shut. the. front. door. FOR ONE SECOND. (ya dig what I'm saying, because the actual front door locks me out circa 42 times a day...) A lot of the rampant rambling consisted of discussing the play-by-play of some sort of explosion that I missed? 

ANYWAY. Some info about the roomz---she cannot hear. And when I say cannot hear, I mean I have to YELLspeak about 8 inches away from her face to the point where it actually pains my throat (voicebox? noisemaker? vocal chords? LOCATION?! TIFFANY TELL ME). I don't really mind because I can blast MC Chris (who 'sings' about doing inappropriate things to his Japanese maids or being a hipster hunter or how that damn nrrrdgrl just DOESN'T WANT TO BE WITH HIM) with no issue or complaint. 

But this is how most of our conversations occur. She never seems to complain about the YELLspeak (heheh, she actually sometimes gets really upset that she can't hear me and does this awkward cry-ish thing and tries to pat my arm, don't touch me PLOX), until I catch her on the phone which is one of my absolute favorite activities, ever. This happened today after she denied the delicious dinner I cooked ( if I do say so myself).

I escape the lair for a few to capture the kittens and get 73.5 more sodas (I don't hoard them, I just drink them all at once...that counts as hydration, right?) 

and there she is in all of her nightgowned glory also screaming, because she thinks because she can't hear ...no one else can. 

I shortly after realize she is "speaking" to one of the neighbors.

The neighbors and her are BESTIE$$$$$ 4EVZ. 

Just kidding. They just answer her constant phone calls and are equally as overbearing back. They tend to let themselves into my house, which FREAKS ME THE F OUT because I may be the most paranoid person ever. Let me get home from work for 3 seconds before I find you in MY kitchen, taking out my garbage? REMINDER: it is also 5 pm, what time do I stay up to? OH YEAH, usually until after the garbage comes. 

Another thing about me you know, I DON'T LIKE HELP. Well, help sure, but please stop strolling into my house? 

I then say to MAHHHHHHGE, "Uh, can you stop? I'm going to get all of my housework done, stop acting like I don't."

Of course, I have to YELLspeak this, obvs. When she thinks I have walked out of the room, I hear the always lovely:

"Oh there she goes SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF AT ME AGAIN. That girl is terrible."

AW. SUCH SWEET SENTIMENTS. ALLITERATION.

Anywho, I actually do appreciate some of the stuff they do when I'm not around...doctor's visits, beauty parlor...especially because old people & doctors & hospitals & medicine & old people's hair scare me, but let me take care of my house? Maybe? I mean unless you want to clean, then I'll go right ahead and SHUT MY FACE HOLE.

>>>*<<<

Shout out to my new pal---TONI! She actually thinks I'm funny and I thoroughly enjoy the fact she has a party for every occasion and we just love her. She also thinks it's acceptable to hang out until normal human hours (9pm?) even when one has work "early" in the morning...unlike some OLD skeezers who won't accompany me in any sort of mischief...when it's 5pm. Nerd alert! Just wanted to get some noms...but SLUTEVER, RIGHT? Go hang out alone, weirdo. Or does the internet keep you company as it does me? Because then maybe my whole opinion has changed, wanna look at cat videos for hours *swoonface* ?

XXXo- hoodie ninja

PS. This is my next purchase. 

Because Daily Grace makes me smile everywhere. 

This is also when it stops being all types of sold out and shit. 

PPS. Doing laundry is hard. By hard, I mean ...it's dark out.

PRPS. I may have accidentally gauged ONE ear due to poor (no)  planning and much too heavy, unnecessary accessories. 

Things That Didn't Suck In October

Here is a collection of random internet things, my things & fun stuff that made this month not as terrible as most usually are. Just kidding, it was equally as shitty, but at least I got new shoes, my sister finally got her surgery (and is recovering well!!) and I discovered the best location for dumplings in the world!!!

IT ALSO MARKS THE START OF NO SHAVE NOVEMBER WHICH MEANS BEARDED MEN EVERYWHERE!!!

1. THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS & the most comfy shirt ever.

2. My growing jewelry collection & cute things on my desk.

We <3 Tigerettes! 

 3. Finding a ton of old records...just need somewhere to play them. 

 4. New home for my Athens brick. I miss my second home and my family so much!

<Me, Tiffy & Tyler>

<Miss my Mommy most!> 

<AND OF COURSE, PUB FAM!> 

5. A new semi-organized desk region. 

This is big for me.  

6. 169 Bar & their dumplings, Sweet & Vicious frozen margaritas and $10 pitchers of PBR at Tribeca Tavern....all day, err day. 

7.  The little things. 

8. Internet & TV things.

<I have a new obsession with Workaholics...soooo good.>

9. Cinnamon Butter, Little Hoagie Princess and Rachy B.

<3

KISSES & THUGS. 

I THOUGHT HURRICANE SEASON WAS OVER!

SO, this whole Hurricane Sandy thing was ignored by me, until I realized that it might be a bit of an issue. Work is closed, the LIRR is shut down, people are stabbing each other for bottles of SmartWater (THERE ARE NONE BECAUSE I HAVE THEM ALL!!), blah blah...I don't know how to prepare for these things/ think it may be a whole big crock of shit. But anyway, I am planning on securing the kitties in my bed with me for the next 72 hours as I intend to use these days off to aid my permanent state of exhaustion, I am stocking up on my fave beer & P-funks (holllllla pretentious drinks!)& gummy worms and I will set the roommate up with some sherry and shitty teen novels (her favorite!!). 

However, le roomie is already being a brat. Here's to hoping her 46 liters of sherry last her through the week (ish) of no power so I can hide from her in the lair. 

 Oh yeah. Forgot to mention my town might get eaten by the ocean/bay/whatever.

The calm before the storm.

If the world decides it wants to end, my pal and I decided our way out is driving a 1969 Dodge Dart straight into the Jones Beach pencil. 

Serious brother tells you to be safe. He knows what to do. 
He's a doctor. 

BYE. 

I am not as fine as I seem, pardon.

Everyone who knows me knows that the one thing I like more than snack & naps...is music. And music right meow, is limited to Twenty One Pilots. 

Skinny boys who bash the shit out of drums, jump off things, play piano, can rap and then belt high notes better than xxxtina create an epic duo filled with  part college-aged angst / lyrics that bring about some concern for possibly needed therapy, part awe of everything that surrounds them and part love of life ..defines the band that is equivalent to my musical wet dream. 

I am 98% certain that the real reason for my adoration of this band and reason for my belief that he will be my future husband, is the lead singer's endearing, epileptic dance moves. But the drummer does back flips and wears knee high tube socks, so it may be difficult to choose between the two. 

For real though, I appreciate this band immensely because they are one of the few relevant groups that ACTUALLY have depth. I really hate that fact that there is so much music floating around and absolutely nothing profound about it...NOTHING. Not only do these fellas create lyrics with passion and feeling and meaning behind them but they play and perform with such energy and emotion every single time. I have seen them play in front of 5 people at a shit hole little bar where I was the only person who knew who they were & saw them a month later at a packed out Webster Hall in NYC and each time they put on a show like it was the last time they were going to perform. 

And here is where my music snobbery comes to a head. They create such relatable music from an emotional perspective, not like some Taylor Swift-my-boyfriend-is-a-douchebag emotion, like the emptiness you feel when there is no music or when your mind runs rampant in the middle of night when you are sitting in your bed. And they somehow manage to not only sing about these situations, but they are also the exact music you want to put on while sitting in your bed slowly losing your mind to whatever demon is eating away at you that night. The mix of electro-synth, rock and roll drums, white boy rap and intense piano and vocals, are the perfect combination to wake you up, get you through the day or completely lose yourself. 

Here are snippets of both times I have seen them play. The video quality is poor because iPhones are stupid...and I think there was whiskey involved. Shh. 

Now I need to see them in an atmosphere like this so I maybe don't have to go to their concerts alone...awkies. 

I love them and you should too because your brain is  malleable and I'm worth listening to about somethings. I think. 

XXXO-WHITTY KITTY

I DON'T WANNA GO TO SLEEP! 

here in these them days

This weekend thus far has been PRIME. Last night after work I grabbed some drinks & apps with a new pal at The Smith in the EV and it was ROCKIN. Nothin' like some good company, blistered shishito peppers and a Cucumber Loco 

(silver tequila, cointreau, cucumber, lime & pinch of sea salt)

to get your Friday started. And it's not every day you get to hang out with someone who listens to Broken Bells records and drinks their coffee the same way you do. Obviously a trip to Sweet and Vicious (one of my favorite bars in le city) was necessary and a fro margarita was perfect. The going to work part was not so perf, but the DJ dance party and the introduction of my beaaaautiful new barber coat made me smile. I was also a leeeeeeetle too excited about last night & met so many wonderful friends at work today, including a pink/crimped haired Canadian and a group celebrating the last days of their 30s, so it was a good day. Combine all this nonsense with a delish DOSA from Hampton Chutney Co. and you got yo'self a hella day. 

Oh! And then I remembered I accidentally got Steve Madden boots shipped to me....and bought a pair of cords....

PREZZZZZIENTS.

But like, DAT JACKET, MMM. 

Things made me crazy...

Like, the roommate started acting up. So that made my mind explode. These ninety year olds now a days are interesting characters. How one can constantly watch SVU and have it NOT be a drinking game...I will never know. Oh, yes, I forgot. The game is DON'T STOP DRINKING. ! The mind explosion could also be explained by the lack of sleep...by lack, I mean absolutely none. NEGATIVE in fact due to too much MAGICAL FUN.. jk, and work. 

The kids decided to become PSYCHOPATHS, but at least they enjoy some quality literature... 

Then things made me laugh...

like, my awkward bedroom door...

(...spank me, maybe?)

 ...and my drunk brother at OU homecoming..

(the BANDIT SAYS no pictures, pleaaaaaaaase!)

....and friends that are like, it's better than yours...damn right, it's better than yours..no one is better than lil hoagie, however..

...and you must realize that having functioning alcoholics as friends isn't all that bad..

(...they send the best snapchats...)

XXXO--KITTY 

KITTY FA$HIOn

>>Describe your personal style in five words or less: Rock star / Broadway chic.   

>>Who/What inspires your personal style, influencing what you're drawn to and what you end up wearing? Music ie: 80's hair metal, 70's rock, groupies, mosh pits sweat, smeared makeup. Skinny punk boys, zombies, Ke$ha, Gwen Stefani, Johnny Depp, heroin chic everything. Anything with studs, spikes and glitter. 

>>What is an item you cannot live without or what are some of your wardrobe essentials? I wear my sterling silver skull ring every day but as for clothes, I NEEED Hanes white v-necks, converse, American Apparel leather leggings, ripped up t-shirts and a black blazer. 

>>What is your most recent purchase?  Jeffrey Campbell calf hair & gold stud high top sneakers

>>Where have you found some of your most treasured style items? Ex-boyfriends , GET OVER IT YOU"RE NOT GETTING YOUR JEWELRY OR AC/DC SHIRT BACK EVER. EVER!

>>What is your go-to jewelry routine? Erm. Depends on the day & earring hole infection EwWWwww! Whatever. Usually always some giant pair of ridiculous earrings, necklace depends on the outfit but usually just my chain with random pendants on it, skull & claddagh ring. Depending on shoe choice/ general color scheme, I'll wear either my silver MK watch, brown giant men's Fender watch or neon pink slap watch with a pile of bracelets. There's usually no such thing as too much. 

>>What are some of your make-up must haves?  Mac Bronzer in ,,Give Me Sun" , Maybelline Great Lash mascara in blackest black & Mac Haute & Naughty mascara and a curler of sorts, not too picky..but clearly I love my eyeballs to look like they belong on a doll...or porn star.  

>>If you could meet any designer who would it be and why? I've met a few .. but based on closet proximity, Marc Jacobs because his office is next door to work & he's a fuckin' rock STAR sex machine. But in reality, I would have loved to meet Alex McQueen. r.i.p, you damn genius. 

>>What's the best style advice you've ever given or received?  Don't give a F*CK. 

Word Vom of the ...last few Weeks

If I ever got murdered or something and cops had to go through my computer and/or cell phone to find my mystery killer, I think they would be semi disturbed to find that me and my friends are all deranged, horn dogs who have been fed too much tequila. I also have a lot of pictures of food...and Joseph Gordon Levitt...but like, his 'Third Rock from the Sun' days...friendship points if you ever watched that...then again, as a youth, I only used plastic silver wear, had 76 stuffed cows and ordered caesar salads with side salads..so I don't blame you if you never watched that bizarre show....

"Second date was yesterday and we sat in my bed in our underwear and ate gummy bears and watched YouTube videos. No sex. Casual..."

>>if this isn't romance...I don't know what is<<

"I'm eating avocados In bed. Casual. "

>>..well, I don't blame you. I think delicious food is better company than a man...<<

"Omg I had to write a story about how One Republic compared themselves to the Beatles and I almost vomited in my cubicle."

>>at first, my (pretend) political activist acted up and was VERY confused about how A REPUBLICAN thought him and his pals were reminiscent of the best boys pretty much ever...but then my music snob self ALMOST VOMITED AS WELL AT THE REAL STATEMENT.<<

"All I can think about is more red things.. like OXBLOOD FUR." 

>>bitch please, we live and breathe seasonally appropriate colors<<

"He's cute. Your type, great eyes like you."
'Okay does my type mean he's cute or looks like a British rock star?'
"Hahahahahaha, he's cute. He looked preppy that night, combed hair, button down shirt. You were in love that night." 
...
>> Here's to hopin' that he doesn't look like the lead singer of Muse! If he is though....move over K.HUD<<

M.I.A

OOPS. I ran away for a haute minute. I have been less crazy busy than I pretend I am, I've just been lazy but here are some updates!
(Nothing really important because remember EVERYDAY IS MAGICAL)

#1: It became October & that makes me smile! Finally, it will be somewhat chilly out so I can stop wearing cut off t-shirts and pretending they're chic!
And I can eat entire bags of candy corn with ZERO remorse.
Until I vomit orange in 5 minutes...

#2: I got KITTENS! 
Two adorable babies names Zulu and Bronxy. I walked into the dog groomers where I adopted my last petch, Luna (MISS YOU </3) and I couldn't bear to separate the most adorable siblings since the Franco brothers! Speaking of .....go FUKC YOURSELF .

But here, LOOK!

#3: Jobs & college galore. Deets later.

#4: Random things
- Ke$ha's new song YEZ.

- karmaloop.com providing this

(Jeffrey Campbell) 

 and this...

 (House of Harlow 1960) 

- LF SoHo making me buy these beauties

(Jeffrey Campbell)

-Friends that don't suck.

-BEAUTY SALON KITTY STYLE

-Batman.
@ my favorite coffee shop. 

xxxo-kitty
I'll swing by more often.